Saturday, April 5, 2014

the truth

Let's just be transparent shall we. This whole bed rest business isn't for sissies. Don't trick yourself into thinking itd be fun to be bound to a couch where you can watch tv all day, sleep and have people wait on you. Not that you would, but hey, most people think to themselves how great it'd be for someone to force them to rest. But for an unknown (though hopeful) 3 month span? Yeah, now you're squirming.

Today is just one of those days for me. When I can't shake the thoughts of all I'm missing out on. Pick-up hugs with Elliot, giving her a bath, taking her to the park, picking her up from school, making her dinner, playing with her, girls night, bunko, small group at church, worship on Sundays, lunch with friends, dinners with friends, birthday parties for dear friends, walking outside, working out, sitting up for longer than 30 minutes, play dates, date nights with grant, preparing and organizing baby boy's room, dedicating specific time and activities for Elliot to enjoy before we become a family of 4, cooking, grocery shopping. the everyday mundane things that you take for granted but help you feel accomplished as a mother and person somehow.

Life at home with a toddler who is trying to wrap her mind around mommy being a couch potato in conjunction with a husband who works full time (plus a nightly part time gig here and there) trying to take care of said toddler, his couch potato wife and the house is chaotic and stressful to say the least. And to be confined to the couch where your only option is to listen and or watch all that's going on without any control? Yikes. Because I'll tell you folks, nothing will squash your mommy power over your child like being surrendered to the couch. All verbal control or ability to grasp your child's attention for a teaching moment has passed for the time being.

There you have it. Some of the ugly truths about bed rest. So if you're temped to spit out the proverbial "just enjoy your time resting, you'll never get this chance again", maybe you'll think twice now. (And if you've already said this to me, no worries! I still love ya).

Thankfully, our gracious God does not allow suffering in such thought forever and so timely provides someone or something in front of me to uplift my spirits and help me remember that this is temporary and absolutely necessary for the life growing inside me. And then the mom in me is guilty for even having such thoughts or complaints. Ha, It's a cycle of emotions.

Despite these truths I've confessed, there's also been many great days and thankful moments that keep me going.

I am not at the hospital. I have a loving husband who has taken on so much and rarely complained. We have an enormous support group of people helping make life possible and sacrificing of themselves for us. I am still pregnant and we are all healthy otherwise. I can count on one hand the number of days I've spent lunch alone during the week and man, what a blessing that has been. The same goes for dinner that has been provided or will be provided during this time. The sweet phone calls or texts each day. The time I've gotten to spend with my baby boy, understanding all his routine movements and patterns throughout a day that I would otherwise have overlooked due to an everyday busy life.

So I don't allow myself much time to wallow in the negatives. Because there's just way too many things to be thankful for. And if you ever hear me start in with any negative thought, do me a favor and steer me back into all that is good (after I finish my rant of course!). :)

Okay, I'm seriously going to tackle this crochet thing. Wish me luck!

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